For Jordan,

You truly are a blessing. After everyone betrayed me, after my worst moment in my life, you came to rescue me.

For that, I owe you everything in the form of my heart; this story.

Thank you so much.

 

 

 

 

It was just another bad day for me, another day, just like every other day before this. Just another day with Depression. Seeing as I had nothing else going on, I went on my favorite game, Overwatch. It was late, probably 9:00 PM or something, I wasn’t keeping track, I didn’t have the energy, I didn’t care. I felt so broken. As my mind was slowly but surely making me fall deeper and deeper into this hellhole of a situation, I went on and created a custom game in Overwatch with the title: “Chill/Kill/Owner is depressed plz cheer up” and naturally people had joined. I felt nothing of it as they tried and tried to cheer me up with singing, jokes, interactions in the game. At some point I went and hooked up my mic to my computer and just started listening to these strangers joke around and trying everything in their power to make me feel something.

 

I felt nothing.

Nothing at all.

 

I was falling into this state faster by the second and slowly my thoughts started to go somewhere, somewhere else, everywhere else but these people. I felt nothing.

 

No tears, no regrets, nothing.

Just

Numb.

.

.

.

 

 

Someone new had joined my custom game in Overwatch and he started singing my favorite song: “All of Me” by John Legend. I snapped out of where my mind threatened to take me and perked up almost instantly, even if just for a moment. We had a blast and I was improving and laughing and generally having a good time with all of these strangers in this custom game until a few hours later…

I had somehow fallen again into this repetitive depression. When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, a kid, maybe ten years old said these exact words to me: “If you are so depressed, why don’t you just go and kill yourself?” I considered it. I really did, but I made a promise that I can’t just take myself out. I can’t commit suicide or do any amount of self-harm to myself. I vowed never to resort to that no matter how hard it was. I was into full blown hysterics at this point and I had thrown off my headset and cried so hard into the mic, everyone heard. In the Overwatch community, people are known for being negative and toxic to anyone but when I had seen everyone band together to help me in that moment, I had realized how broken I truly was.

 

 

I was truly 

Fragmented

 

 

 

 

My mask was cracking

My mask breaking was the scariest part for me,

It shattered and I had nothing left to hide behind.

 

 

I had pushed everyone away, closed off from all the people I loved and yet here were these complete strangers helping someone they didn’t even know. I don’t know if it was the shock that silenced my cries or the one person who managed to help me before this. People interrogated this young kid and helped me get out of that game. The person who had originally gotten me out of that horrible state was still there with me in this small group of six. My tears wouldn’t stop but they all were making sure I was okay, talking with me and sending sympathy in waves. An hour or so later we all left the group and exchanged usernames for a chat called Discord and made a group there where we could voice chat and text whenever we wanted to. I needed to get away from my computer at all costs and just breathe, so I got up, sat on my bed and read a book for a couple minutes until my phone lit up with the last friend texting me to tell me if I was truly okay. The mask I had been wearing for years had shattered and I spilled all my traumas, my experiences, my secrets, everything that was bottled inside of me and away from the world just escaped me in that instance. I cried so hard for god knows how many times that day. The entire time I had released all of this onto him, he sat there and listened patiently, so patiently. No one had ever done that for me before. Ever. He had been the only one to hear any of this and he stuck around.

 

 

I truly am a 

Glass Cannon.

 

 

 

I am Fragile.

I can only take so much before I shatter.

 

 

My world has become so bright because of his actions and his willingness to stay around me when everyone else left, when none of my friends were left to catch me, he came to my rescue, a stranger at the time came and picked me up and held me through all of it. There was finally someone who was going to stay, someone who loved me for who I am and not some broken toy. For that, I can never thank him enough. The day he found me was the day he saved me and he’s been here ever since.

 

Even now he texts me every morning, making me smile. This boy has stayed when no one else has, seen more emotions than anyone else, has seen me in my worst moments and seen me at my best and stayed. His love, his caring, has opened my world and that experience has changed my perspective of the world. It has made me realize that there are still good people out there who love you as you are, and for that I am so thankful that he was the one to bring me out of my depression. We are both there for one another. He helped me so much and I have reciprocated tenfold for him, to repay what he’s done for me. For that, I love him equally if not more. He will always be here for me and I will always be there for him. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for saving me that day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The day he found me all those many months ago is an experience I will never forget.

Jordan, for I know you will read this, I want you to know something:

I love you so much. Forever and always,

My love,

Thank you.

I Love You,

Always

And

Forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This story is dedicated to my boyfriend, Jordan. He was the one who saved me that day many months ago. This story was not too hard to create physically but emotionally and mentally it took its toll. The entire time I wrote this I cried. I had to relive the entire ordeal just because my mind never forgets pain or anything of the sort. Don’t get me wrong, I loved writing this for my special someone but it wasn’t without a couple hundred tears. I regret absolutely nothing and I am forever greatful that he came into my life at the right time at the right place and set me on the right track again. I’m much happier now that he’s here with me, everyone else has just branched off and sure that hurts me, friends I’ve known since I was in elementary, to friends I had only met a couple months ago, just going silent. It hurt but I know they are happy, and if they are happy, I’m happy.

 

I’ll be okay.

 

I Promise.

 

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All images from Google Images:

Glass cannon, Image

Glass heart fragments, Image

Black fade transparent, Image

Black fade transparent, Image

Feature image, Gif